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Posts Tagged ‘Adolescent Pornography Addiction’

Fighting Against Pornography- Part 1

Posted at August 1st, 2013
Posted by Geoff Steurer
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Categories: Couples Pornography Addiction Recovery, General Sexual Addiction, In the news/media, Partners of pornography addicts, Pornography Addiction, Protecting Children from Pornography, Protecting Families from Pornography, Shame, St. George Utah Pornography Addiction Treatment
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The Broken Windows theory, developed more than 30 years ago, holds that police can stop higher levels of crime by giving more attention to the smaller crimes, such as breaking windows. By emphasizing law and order and a different level of community expectations, crime rates overall can be lowered.

A lot of police and social scientists support this theory today because it was applied with success in New York City and other places where once-soaring crimes rates have declined.

There is no reason the same sort of idea should not be applied with regard to pornography.

To those who understand the harmful effects of pornography — on those who create the images as well as those who consume them — the situation today can seem hopeless, much the same as the situation in a crime-ridden neighborhood. About 40 million Americans visit a pornographic website at least once a month, and a pervasive attitude of indifference seems to be sweeping the land as many people view it as a harmless and private concern.

And yet, if the Justice Department, state attorneys general and local district attorneys would take the enforcement of obscenity laws more seriously — in effect prosecuting even broken window-like offenses, attitudes and behaviors could change. Pornography is not a harmless crime, and its effects on behavior and relationships have huge implications for the nation’s future.

Beginning today, the Deseret News is publishing a four-part series on this issue. The series brings to light the addictive, brain-altering effects of persistent interaction with pornographic material, its devastating effects on relationships, and the way it changes assumptions and expectations, particularly among male users, of what is expected in an intimate relationship. The series examines how researchers are connecting the viewing of pornography to the production of dopamine in the brain, which in turn can produce a learning-related protein called DeltaFosB. This alters the brain’s reward system and creates addictive behavior.

Over time, people engaging in such behavior may experience increased sexual aggression and view their partners as mere objects for their own pleasure. While incidents of rape or other sexual assaults may not be on the rise, researchers believe females are increasingly being pressured to engage in acts that model what their partners have viewed through pornography.

The series also examines the industry itself and how it mistreats those who agree to be filmed.

Despite what many may believe, even adult pornography can be prosecuted under obscenity laws. A 1973 Supreme Court decision set up a three-pronged test that remains in effect today. A jury must determine an average person would find that the work appeals to a morbid preoccupation with sex, as viewed in relation to community standards; the material must display sexual behavior in a patently offensive way as defined by state law; and the material must be found to have no literary, artistic, political or scientific value.

Significantly, how popular the material is has little bearing on this standard. Tolerance, as a Virginia prosecutor is quoted as saying in the series, is not synonymous with decency, it is a word that “embodies the permissible deviations from standards.”

More than 20 years ago, during the Ronald Reagan and George H.W. Bush presidencies, the Department of Justice set the tone on the federal level, prosecuting adult obscenity without hesitation. As a result, hard-core pornography took a step back. Producers worried how far they could go. The possibility of jail time took precedence over the desire to make money. The broken windows theory was working.

Now, the Department of Justice hasn’t filed a single adult obscenity case since 2010. That is appalling.

The nation seems to have a near consensus against child pornography. Yet it defies logic that all destructive effects of that insidious crime magically disappear when the subjects involved turn 18.

For the sake of innocent victims and a nation losing touch with the value of committed relationships, marriage and families, it’s time to turn prosecution efforts toward ending adult pornography at all levels.

Fighting Against Pornography- Part 2

Posted at August 1st, 2013
Posted by Geoff Steurer
Tags: - - - - - - - - - -
Categories: Couples Pornography Addiction Recovery, General Sexual Addiction, In the news/media, Partners of pornography addicts, Pornography Addiction, Protecting Children from Pornography, Shame, St. George Utah Pornography Addiction Treatment
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Editor’s note: The following story deals with sexually-themed subject matter that will not be appropriate for some readers. Discretion is advised.

This is part two in a four-part series. Read part one: “Ubiquitous assailant: The dangerous unasked questions surrounding pornography“. Read part 3: “Why laws to fight pornography aren’t being used.” Read part four: “How couples break the cycle of addiction.”

NEW YORK — The keys jingled in her hand as Lili Bee walked up the steps to her apartment. The New York air was warm and the trees along her street were finally showing traces of spring.

“Hello!” Lili called out as she shut the front door behind her, not wanting to startle her cleaning lady, who was in the master bedroom.

“Here, I want to show you how I organized the walk-in closet,” the woman said, motioning Lili to follow. “Here’s his tennis racquets, his record collection, his hammers, tools.”

The woman then grabbed a garbage bag and handed it to Lili.

“And here’s his pornography collection,” she said casually, turning toward the next shelf.

Lili was stunned. She had no idea the man she considered her soul mate viewed pornography. In fact, each time they walked by an adult video store in Manhattan he shook his head in disgust.

In that moment she felt betrayed, and sick to her stomach. She ran to the bathroom.

“Oh honey, you shouldn’t be upset by that, all guys do that,” her cleaning lady called through the door. “Some of us even do that.”

Even years later, Lili can still remember the sinking feeling that her boyfriend was living what felt like a double life.

Lili wasn’t alone in feeling betrayed. In a 2003 survey published in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy, of 100 women surveyed, 26 percent said they considered viewing pornography on par with adultery, while 39 percent said it negatively impacted their relationship. Nearly half said habitual viewing of pornography by their partner made them feel insecure.

“People aren’t aware of how extremely harmful (pornography) can be,” says Wendy Maltz, psychotherapist and co-author of “The Porn Trap: The Essential Guide to Overcoming Problems Caused by Pornography.” “We’ve allowed this product that shows sex in a particular way and trains sexual arousal patterns in ways that can limit positive sexual expression. People are developing a sexual relationship with it that is superseding human relationships.”

Maltz and a growing number of scholars and therapists are becoming concerned about the effects of pornography on relationships, the way it commercializes sex and normalizes violence under the guise of fantasy.

“If there’s one thing that enrages me it’s people downplaying this,” Lili said. “That makes me so angry. There’s a world of pain out there around this, and if we keep sticking our head in the sand it will grow until it blows up in our face. As far as I’m concerned, it already is blowing up in our face.”

The dangers of commercializing sex

Jan Meza walked up the stairs already drunk, her stomach in knots, despite the variety of pills she’d been given that morning to help her relax.

As a prostitute-turned-porn-star working in California’s San Fernando Valley, her normal scenes involved one or two men. But this morning in 2006, 25 men would have sex with her.

She agreed because the paycheck would be $5,000 for an hour. It would pay the rent and keep food on the table for her three young children back home with grandma, who thought she was in California doing plus-sized modeling.

The director promised to stop if she was in pain, and vowed no one would call her bad names.

But they did, and he didn’t stop filming even when she began crying. During the scene, the pain was so intense she actually blacked out several times — images that had to be cut from the final film.

After the scene and publicity photos the men wanted to take with her, she ran from the room to the bathroom, where she stood in the shower crying and vomiting.

The producer came up minutes later and raved about her performance.

“ ‘Great job, we definitely want to do more scenes,’ ” she remembers him saying. “He didn’t care … about the kind of wreck I’m in. It’s just, here’s a pat on the back, and extra money and ‘What do you need for next time?’ ”

When the video finally came out, it was edited to make it look like Meza was enjoying the experience.

And that, in a nutshell, is one of the biggest problems with pornography, says Rachel Collins, a youth minister who has spent the last nine years building relationships with women in the industry and helping them get out.

The entire industry is all just a façade, she says, a parade of carefully edited images and manipulated encounters that are sold as authentic and enviable — all while ignoring the pain of performers.

Over nine years as a producer of pornographic films, Donny Pauling recruited more than 500 women. None of the women have ever thanked him after they started in the industry, even though they could make nearly $500 in a few hours performing a soft-core scene (Pauling left the industry in 2006 and now speaks out against it).

“I couldn’t think of anything unsexier (than porn),” says Collins. “Sex is made to be between two people in a committed relationship who love each other. There’s so much to it that’s so beautiful and intimate, and when you make everything about an orgasm, what a cheap and fake reality.”

But the industry thrives on selling this reality — scripted and manipulated though it may be.

“These are men who can do it without any kind of mental involvement,” says Bill Margold, a porn actor who is also the adult entertainment industry historian and unofficial spokesman. “… The best men in this business are men who are having sex with themselves, not the person they’re with. You have to become detached when you’re performing.”

And while that may make for a good production scene, experts say it makes for a terrible behavioral model, especially for young people who have no other ideas about sex.

“The pornographic model of sex (is) limiting, rather than expanding, our concept of what sex is and can be,” says Meagan Tyler, a lecturer in sociology at Victoria University in Melbourne, Australia, and author of “Selling Sex Short: The Pornographic and Sexological Construction of Women’s Sexuality in the West.”

Tyler, a non-religious feminist, says society has accepted sex as a commodity that can be bought and sold, viewed upon demand and twisted into every imaginable fetish.

“Every time I speak about the harms of pornography, I get asked about the possibilities of ‘better porn’ or ‘ethical porn,’ ” Tyler said. “What it shows me is how desperate we are … to believe that porn use is fine. What I ask is that people try and think about what sexuality would be like without porn. If you have difficultly imagining what that would be like, then we all have a problem.”

Numb to violence

One of the most distressing studies during Robert Wosnitzer’s doctoral research in media culture and communication at New York University was a content analysis of 304 scenes from the 50 most popular porn movies of 2005.

In 88 percent of scenes, performers were slapped, spanked, gagged, choked, kicked or had their hair pulled. Insults and name-calling were present in almost half of the scenes.

Almost all (94 percent) of the violence was directed to women, who responded nearly overwhelmingly with pleasurable or neutral expressions.

“Viewers of pornography are learning that aggression during a sexual encounter is pleasure-enhancing for both men and women,” Wosnitzer, Dr. Ana Bridges and their co-researchers wrote in their paper published in Violence Against Women in 2010. “What (is) the social implication for this type of learning?”

In college fraternities, that fusing is seen as men who consume pornography — specifically rape and sadomasochistic types — report higher levels of willingness to rape women if they wouldn’t get caught or punished, and lower willingness and perceived ability to intervene in a sexual assault situation, according to research by Oklahoma State University education professor John Foubert.

Such results undermine the argument that pornography is a personal choice and what happens in private doesn’t affect anyone else, he says.

“Most of the culture today thinks that pornography is fine, that it’s an acceptable part of human sexuality with no consequences beyond the individuals who are using it,” Foubert said. “Users don’t think about … what scripts play out in the porn they’re watching and how that might affect their attitudes toward others.”

Foubert and others argue pornography is changing expectations of normal sexual behavior in non-coercive settings, meaning that even though women aren’t being raped or assaulted as often, they’re being asked and pressured by boyfriends to engage in pornographic-modeled behaviors.

Five Swedish studies of youths found that young men and women who frequently look at pornography are more likely to have had anal intercourse, and that boys who watch pornography are more likely to have experimented with acts they saw on screen, according to a review by Michael Flood at the Australian Research Centre in Sex, Health and Society.

But saying that someone who watches something in a movie will immediately behave that way is like saying that “if James Bond drives a car really fast, people will drive faster as a consequence,” says Hugo Schwyzer, author and professor of history and gender studies at Pasadena City College. “This is a fantasy you’re dealing with in pornography. It’s not the way the rest of the world works. As human beings, we’re capable of distinguishing from what arouses us to what the world is supposed to be.”

But it’s hard to make those distinctions when so much of mainstream pornography is fixated on stereotypical themes of dominance, aggression and power, usually perpetrated by white males on an array of ethnically diverse women, says Wosnitzer.

“The mainstream industrially produced porn from San Fernando … allows a mostly white male audience to see itself with all of its power and privilege attached to it,” he says, “and that women are objects, for (their) own pleasure.”

Broken relationships

While polls show Americans are divided over whether pornography is bad for relationships, anecdotal evidence is beginning to pile up that it’s bad for marriages. In a 2002 survey of 350 members of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, 62 percent said the Internet was a “significant factor” in divorce cases they had handled the last year.

The most-cited problems included meeting a new love interest (68 percent) and obsessive interest in pornographic sites (56 percent).

In 2009, 79 percent of lawyers from the same group said that over the previous five years, Internet browser histories, which typically included visits to pornographic websites, were being entered as evidence in divorce cases.

“We’re going to have a whole generation of people whose intimacy is through a computer screen,” said AAML president Kenneth Altshuler. “Which is much more of a problem than viewing pornography online. It’s more that their entire relationship is online, and they cannot even connect to human beings unless they’re on a computer.”

It’s just another way that pornography is promoting “a sexual dumbing down of the culture,” says Maltz.

Yet Maltz said she’s encouraged by the growing number of couples in her practice who realize that “porn is futile and is actually harmful.” So instead of using it, they develop “new approaches to sex that involve being emotionally connected and present with their partner, because it’s just naturally more fulfilling.”

But Lili never got that chance.

After two years of supporting her partner through sex-addiction therapy, couples counseling and recovery meetings, he finally confessed he never quit viewing pornography, and his addiction had even gotten worse. Lili kicked him out of the house and focused on her own healing.

It was a long journey, made worse by the fact that her partner’s stash of pornography was solely women, a “digital harem,” that he watched, arranged and organized for hours and hours each week, yet never had time or interest in being intimate with her anymore, she said.

“I could never get it out of my head that I wasn’t his ‘real choice,’ ” Lili said. “I was someone he was settling for. And how could I ever feel OK about the impending aging process when I knew my partner was bonding (through orgasm) to girls who were teenagers, girls decades younger than myself? I began to go to war with myself, to hate every gray hair that sprouted, every tiny line on my face, every freckle on my body.”

Today, she shares what she’s learned through her website, PoSARC.com — Partners of Sex Addicts Resource Center — and through her work as an interfaith minister and a counselor to partners of sex addicts.

“We all (think) that if we were sexy enough, sweet enough, cared enough about the man, all of this wouldn’t happen,” Lili says. “Nothing could be further from the truth.”

Fighting Against Pornography- Part 3

Posted at August 1st, 2013
Posted by Geoff Steurer
Tags: - - - - - - - - -
Categories: Couples Pornography Addiction Recovery, General Sexual Addiction, In the news/media, Partners of pornography addicts, Pornography Addiction, Protecting Children from Pornography, Protecting Families from Pornography, Shame, St. George Utah Pornography Addiction Treatment, Uncategorized
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Editor’s note: The following story deals with sexually-themed subject matter that will not be appropriate for some readers. Discretion is advised.

This is part three in a four-part series. Read part one: “Ubiquitous assailant: The dangerous unasked questions surrounding pornography.” Read part two: “Second-hand porn: the spreading circle of damage.” Read part four: “How couples break the cycle of addiction.”

As she flips through the sex offense cases for the Metropolitan Police in Reykjavik, Iceland, assistant prosecutor Sigridur Hjaltested shakes her head.

A 15-year-old girl pressured into having sex with three boys.

One of the boys was 15. The other two were even younger.

Recently, Hjaltested filed charges in the case of a woman in her 20s who was expecting a sexual encounter with a man in his 30s, yet suddenly the man’s friend showed up and demanded to take part.

The charge was rape using violence and unlawful pressure.

There’s nothing new about sex crimes, but over the last five years, the sexual offenses division in Reykjavik has seen crimes that are more graphic, violent, and perpetrated by younger and younger individuals.

“The sexual offense cases we get bear more (resemblance) to hard-core sex and a sex culture that is rapidly changing,” Hjaltested said. “I do not think that is a good development.”

Distribution of pornography has been illegal in the liberal, socially progressive Nordic country since it was codified in 1940, but “porn” wasn’t defined and enforcement has been sporadic due to a lack of resources. Because the majority of today’s pornography is accessed online, Iceland’s former minister of the interior proposed a bill that would legally define pornography with references to violence and humiliation rather than nudity and sexually explicitness — thus making most of today’s mainstream violent Internet porn illegal.

“There are great concerns that violent porn has blurred the line between sex and violence,” said Ögmundur Jónasson, who sponsored the proposal during his tenure as minister of the interior, which ended with the country’s April elections. “A broad consensus has developed in Iceland where we agree that the current situation is not acceptable.” Jónasson had organized a committee that was considering making it illegal to buy porn using Icelandic credit cards, or creating a national blacklist of pornographic websites — but opponents pointed out problems ranging from technological hurdles and false labeling of good websites to concerns over censorship. It’s unknown whether the new government will pursue the bill.

Any country wishing to prevent the spread of pornography faces similar questions now that pornography has exploded from brick-and-mortar products to ever-accessible Internet offerings.

Like Iceland, the United States also has laws that ban obscenity — a legally defined, albeit contested, subset of pornography — but they’re not being enforced, experts say.

“In theory it’s possible for the government to enforce them,” says Eugene Volokh, a professor of First Amendment law at UCLA School of Law. “It’s just that there’s been very little political appetite to do that, with changing social mores … coupled with a sense that it’s extremely unlikely that this is going to do any good.”

Experts like Volokh point out that prosecutions may be decreasing because the laws intended to prosecute obscenity were a bit vague to begin with and are even more muddled now that offenders are predominantly online.

Others, like Patrick Trueman, president and CEO of Morality in Media and chief of the Child Exploitation and Obscenity Section in the Department of Justice from 1988-1993, point to a successful history of obscenity prosecutions in the country and say there’s no reason existing laws can’t be used to prosecute Internet offenders — especially if the public steps up and once again demands legal action.

“I don’t think that obscenity is no longer prosecutable — it is,” says Robert Showers, founder of the National Law Center for Children and Families and chief of the Child Exploitation and Obscenity section at the Department of Justice in the 1980s. “But it would take, quite frankly, an avalanche of public sentiment … saying, ‘We’re not putting up with this anymore.'”

LOCAL BATTLES

Fourteen years ago in a Provo courtroom, defense attorney Randy Spencer asked a jury of Utah County residents to consider the following numbers:

 

19,389 adult pay-per-view movies rented from DirectTV in three years.

 

 

1,416 adult pay-per-view movies purchased during a nine-month test run of “Spice TV” in Provo, Spanish Fork and Payson. (Response was so good corporate headquarters wanted the local affiliate to offer “Playboy TV” as well.)

 

 

20 percent of profits at Orem movie store Sun Coast Video came from adult video sales — only 2.5 percent of its total inventory.

 

 

3,444 non-cable-edited X-rated movies purchased by patrons at the Marriott Hotel — literally across the street from the courthouse.

 

How could the county charge his client Larry W. Peterman with violating community standards of decency, Spencer asked the jury, when Utah County residents themselves had accepted, albeit clandestinely, adult entertainment being sold in their malls and viewed in their homes?

Peterman was acquitted on all charges.

Results like that make prosecutors hesitant to file porn cases, says Raymond Robertson, the Commonwealth’s Attorney for Staunton, Va., and one of the last prosecutors to successfully get an obscenity conviction against a pornographer over the last decade.

“I don’t know if they’re too busy, or they don’t care, or they think the law is one thing when it’s actually another,” he said. “But the law is pretty clear and it’s clearly on the side of … if it’s obscene, it’s illegal.”

The law he’s talking about is called the Miller test, a 1973 Supreme Court decision that defined obscenity using a three-prong test: Would the average community member find that the material in question appeals to a morbid or degrading interest in sex? Does it show or describe sexual content in a patently offensive way? And then, considering a broader, nationwide audience, does it lack literary, artistic, political or scientific merit?

If the answers are yes, then the material is obscene, regardless of who used it, how they used it, where they used it, and how pervasive it is around them, Robertson says, emphasizing that prosecutors have to stand firm on those prongs and avoid getting derailed by defense attorney’s arguments about free speech and tolerance.

The Free Speech Coalition, the trade association for the adult entertainment industry, has a different perspective on the law.

“The more people there are who enjoy adult entertainment, the harder it becomes to make the argument that adult entertainment is patently offensive to the average person,” the trade group argued in its most recent report on the state of the industry. “If adult entertainment is, in fact, widely accepted by mainstream populations, then the use of criminal obscenity law to regulate it is unconstitutional.”

FEDERAL FIGHTS

As Mary Beth Buchanan, the U.S. Attorney for the Western District of Pennsylvania, initiated an obscenity case against a Los Angeles-based pornographer in 2003, the letters began pouring into her office.

“How can you, as an attorney in Pittsburgh, prosecute a couple in California?”

“Obscenity laws still exist?”

“With all the other problems we face, why are we spending taxpayers’ money fighting porn?”

And her favorite: “Thanks for tackling this. Good luck.”

The public’s confusion and surprise was understandable and even part of her motivation, Buchanan said. The grand jury indictment of Extreme Associates and owners Robert Zicari (aka Rob Black) and Janet Romano (aka Lizzy Borden) represented the first federal obscenity case filed in nearly 10 years.

“Bringing these cases will remind the public that we do have laws that prohibit obscenity and those laws are enforceable,” Buchanan said. “If (people) find this material, they don’t have to accept it; they don’t have to tolerate it; they can bring it to law enforcement.”

Federal law prohibits selling, mailing, transporting, broadcasting, producing or transferring obscene material — which Extreme Associates was doing by mailing DVDs to a local Pennsylvania retailer, as well as offering Internet material that was being accessed in the community.

The couple was charged with 10 counts of production and distribution of obscene pornographic materials by mail and the Internet, which carried the potential for 50 years in prison and/or a $2.5 million fine.

Buchanan charged headlong into the case, relying on years of experience prosecuting child pornographers to propel her through six years of legal procedure that included a dismissal and a successful appeal to the 3rd Circuit Court of Appeals, which returned the case to the district court. The case ended with guilty pleas and a yearlong prison sentence for each defendant.

“I don’t recall any other case during my entire career that took that much time and effort to obtain a judgment or conviction,” Buchanan said. “When I compare this to all the drug and gun cases we did at this time, this one case had as much impact on the pornography industry … as hundreds of cases in some other area.”

For a long time after the victory, Buchanan would get calls from defense attorneys who represented pornographers, asking if they were advising their clients correctly on what would and wouldn’t fly in their films.

“What that showed me is they were taking the law seriously, which they had not for many years,” Buchanan said. “They recognized that the law was still in effect, prosecutors were paying attention to it, and if producers violated it, there would be consequences.”

During the end of Ronald Reagan’s presidency and the beginning of George H.W. Bush’s, adult obscenity prosecution was in full swing at the federal level, leading to a decrease in hardcore pornography and a sense of hesitancy on the part of pornographers, says Trueman, who headed up the Department of Justice office for years. Such success proved the laws were effective.

Yet, the Department of Justice hasn’t filed an adult obscenity case since 2010.

The most recent adjudication came in January, when Ira Isaacs, a self-proclaimed “shock artist,” was sentenced to four years in prison for his obscene films featuring bestiality and an obsession with feces.

Yet his case was filed six years ago, and had been winding through mountains of legal motions and three jury trials to get to the recent finish line.

“The department has brought numerous obscenity prosecutions in recent years, including the recent case against Ira Isaacs,” said Peter Carr, Department of Justice spokesman. “However, we have focused our limited investigative and prosecutorial resources on the most egregious cases, particularly those that facilitate child exploitation and cases involving the sexual abuse of children, including obscene depictions of child rape. For that reason, the significant majority of the federal obscenity cases we have charged involve the exploitation of children.”

Along with prosecuting child pornography, federal law also prohibits knowingly distributing obscenity to minors, as well as creating misleading web addresses or web images designed to deceive children into viewing pornography.

Child porn is one area where the government can focus its resources and rest assured that their enforcement activities are going to stand up to the scrutiny of the law, says Marcia Hofmann, an attorney who specializes in Internet law.

“There’s a tremendously strong interest in protecting children,” she says. “When the law enforcement starts to go into areas where there is less of a compelling interest, then there’s a great fear … of getting in a big fight over whether prosecution is OK.”

And this is where the public could step in and show prosecutors there’s still a compelling interest to prosecute, says Trueman. After all, law enforcement operates off of complaints, he says.

“If you don’t like the situation, if you don’t like a porn shop in your town, contact the district attorney. Make sure their phones ring off the hook,” he says. “But the public isn’t doing that. They haven’t done that for many years.”

Perhaps it’s because many feel the battle against the spread of pornography is futile, says Volokh.

“If a prosecutor wants to prosecute distributors of online porn under Miller, there’s a good chance he’ll get a conviction,” Volokh says. “But if the goal of the prosecutor is to make porn less accessible, that’s what’s not possible. One thing that we have found, is that in free countries, it’s hard to stop the spread of things that people want to consume.”

The government could try to install something like a nationwide China-like firewall, (which would incur massive opposition) or begin monitoring ISPs and the raid the homes of people acquiring obscenity, which is legal to possess, but not to acquire or transport. It would be a rare, but legal charge, too draconian “even for people who’d like to wave a magic wand and have all porn gone,” Volokh says.

But enforcing existing law isn’t draconian, it’s responsible, Buchanan insists. Yes, it’s difficult and requires significant time and energy, but it sends a message to the public, to pornographers and to other prosecutors that obscenity is taken seriously and that the laws written to enforce it are still being used.

“To bring these cases is important because it reminds the people in the community that it is their choice on what material they find offensive, and what material they think that the law applies to,” she says. “If they don’t speak up, then prosecutors won’t know that this type of material is material that they don’t want in their communities.”

What YOU can do:

 

Communicate with local law enforcement and prosecutors as well as state prosecutors about establishments or Internet sites you find offensive and problematic

 

 

Write letters or call companies that use sexually explicit advertising and express your concern and determination to shop elsewhere

 

 

Refuse to support companies that make money off of distributing pornography. For information on such companies visit pornharms.com/dirtydozen

 

 

Become educated about the applicable obscenity laws in your state and at the federal level

 

 

Become educated about pornography and pornography addiction

 

 

Talk to youths about sexuality and appropriate expressions of intimacy

 

 

Install filters on computers, phones, gaming systems and cable systems to prevent exposure to pornography

Fighting Against Pornography Part 4

Posted at August 1st, 2013
Posted by Geoff Steurer
Tags: - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Categories: Couples Pornography Addiction Recovery, General Sexual Addiction, In the news/media, Partners of pornography addicts, Pornography Addiction, Protecting Children from Pornography, Protecting Families from Pornography, Shame, St. George Utah Pornography Addiction Treatment
1 Comment »

SALT LAKE CITY — With an eye toward both preventing and recovering from the devastating impacts of pornography, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has launched a new website that is based on what one therapist calls “the enabling power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ.”

The website is titled “Overcoming Pornography Through the Atonement of Jesus Christ.” Benjamin Erwin, who holds a Ph.D. in marriage and family therapy and who works as a program manager for LDS Family Services, said the site was created as a resource for LDS individuals, families and local ecclesiastical leaders.

“This isn’t the be-all, end-all on dealing with pornography issues and impacts,” said Erwin, who was one of the subject matter experts on the website development team. “But for Latter-day Saints who are either dealing with pornography themselves or in their families or as local church leaders, this is a great place to start.”

Although he is a trained professional, Erwin makes it clear the website is not “based on scientific evidence or some important therapeutic concept.” Rather, he says, “This is based on gospel truth and the healing power of the Savior.”

The new website addresses pornography-related issues from within the context of LDS standards and teachings. Unlike the previous LDS website about pornography — which focused on combating the effects of pornography in personal and family lives — this site offers suggestions about how to prevent as well as deal with the impact.

The website is divided into three sections: one for individuals, one for families and one for local church leaders. Each section includes resources and practical guidance aimed at both prevention and recovery from pornography impacts.

From a preventative standpoint, especially with regard to children and teenagers, Erwin said three keys seem to emerge. First, he said, take full advantage of the filtering technology that is available to make pornography inaccessible on personal and home computers and mobile devices.

“Research tells us that a majority of parents feel it is a good idea to have some kind of filter on their computers, but a minority of parents have actually installed those filters,” Erwin said.

Even with the most successful filtering system in the world, however, some images and messages are going to get through. That is why Erwin says parents need to cultivate the kind of open, honest relationship in which children are comfortable with talking about the things they are seeing and experiencing.

“Pornography and other addictive behaviors thrive in secrecy,” he said. “That’s why it is so important to cultivate relationships of trust and honesty in the home. When children are exposed to pornography, you don’t want them to keep it a secret. You want them to talk about it — not so you can lecture, but so you can just talk.”

Third, Erwin said, is the importance of proactive teaching.

“Elder M. Russell Ballard (of the LDS Church Quorum of the Twelve) spoke in general conference about the importance of having the ‘big talks,'” Erwin said. “The simple fact is, if parents don’t teach children and young people about sexuality, the world will. Everywhere you look, the world is explaining its view of what sex is and how you are supposed to express yourself, and it is not what the gospel of Jesus Christ teaches.”

Unfortunately, even with all of the preventative measures firmly in place, some children, youth and adults still develop pornography habits and addictions. To them, Erwin said, the website offers hope.

“There is hope for full recovery from an addiction to pornography through the Savior,” he said. “But it is up to the individual to make that happen. No one can do it for them, not a spouse or a parent or a priesthood leader. Only as the individual turns to the Savior will he or she recover.”

The website includes a planning sheet that individuals can use to help them make a plan for what they are going to do to recover from pornography.

“It’s not necessarily an exhaustive list,” he said, “but it’s a good place for them to start.”

On the website individuals can also watch videos featuring the true stories of others who have overcome pornography.

“If you’re watching a story of someone who has been where you are, it resonates with you,” Erwin said. “You say, ‘He’s been there, and he’s now healed. That gives me hope.'”

Of The Heart

Posted at June 20th, 2013
Posted by Geoff Steurer
Tags: - - - - - - - - - -
Categories: General Sexual Addiction, Protecting Families from Pornography, PTSD, Shame, St. George Utah Pornography Addiction Treatment, Uncategorized
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In recovery work, we learn a lot about toxic shame. Toxic shame is the feeling that we are deeply flawed, inadequate, and therefore, unworthy of being accepted and loved. Toxic shame is like being plunged into darkness, with a very limited view of yourself and your abilities. Even worse, it hijacks your sense of being accepted, and so you resort to staying in the dark versus reaching for connection. Like being stuck in deep mud, it takes work to be pulled out and redirected when we are in shame. There is another form of self-evaluation that is much more productive and gives rise to a desire for change. This feeling is called guilt. When we feel guilt, we are aware that our actions do not match our values. Unlike shame that makes us feel inadequate and stuck, guilt spurs a sense that we are motivated for change. Guilt is a connecting emotion: When we feel guilt, we know that our actions are incongruent with our values. So does addiction affect our ability to feel guilty? Yes, it does, but the good news is that as recovery takes place, we re-connect to our values and to empathy. It becomes easier to access a sense of guilt when a mistake is made, and we feel more capable of getting back on track. When we feel the shift of our values and a stronger sense of empathy and compassion, we call this a change of heart. You’ve probably heard the adage, “you can’t serve two masters.” Well, without a heart change, or a change of being, it becomes impossible to make a long-term change in what we are doing. Allow your heart change to happen. It will mean saying goodbye to things like lust, bitter resentment, shame, isolation, and unworthiness. It will mean embracing connection, congruency, acceptance, and that you are worthy of something better. Dr. Mark Laaser explained it this way, “In healing from sexual addiction, if all we do is defend, we grow tired and discouraged. We must also build into our lives new behaviors, attitudes, relationships, and spirituality. We are building new lives, new marriages, and we are always searching for new and deeper ways to connect to God and others. We need to be just as accountable to do the good- rebuilding- as we are accountable to refrain from doing the behaviors we hate.” Wishing you the very best in your recovery! – Amy Cluff, LCSW

Tips for Parents: Safeguarding Your Children Online

Posted at July 15th, 2012
Posted by Geoff Steurer
Tags: - - - - - - - - - - -
Categories: Pornography Addiction, Protecting Children from Pornography, Protecting Families from Pornography, St. George Utah Pornography Addiction Treatment
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Parents are concerned today about how to protect their children from pornography and harmful materials. The National Coalition for the Protection of Children and Families released some helpful tips for parents to safeguard their children and families:

  • Get comfortable- Practice talking about pornography and sex with your spouse- get out the giggles and prepare for questions before you talk to your kids.
  • Keep the door of communication open with each family member.
  • If you have reason to suspect your child is viewing inappropriate sites, do not react in a way that is shaming - approach your son or daughter with respect and in private.
  • Develop a trusting relationship with your child early so they feel safe with you when you bring up your concerns.
  • Add to online profiles that you monitor your child’s use of the Internet
  • Keep your computers in heavy traffic areas in your home, including laptops and handheld devices.
  • Discourage your children from making friends online. Predators will try to convince kids otherwise and usually lie about who they are online so they can meet kids and hurt them.
  • Use a filtering program or service. Two of our favorites here at LifeSTAR St. George are K9 (free) and Pandora’s Hope (a filtered router that filters every Internet-enabled device in your home).
  • Check CD’s, jump drives, and other external hard drives for inappropriate content.
  • Check History Files often and consider using accountability software that shows where family members have been on the Internet (Covenant Eyes is a good program for this)
  • Spend time with your child as they surf the Internet
  • Ask your child to show you what IM (Instant messaging) looks like
  • Spend time with your child on-line, and have them teach you about their favorite on-line destinations
  • Get to know and use the “Parental Controls” provided by your Internet Service Provider and/or blocking software
  • Always maintain access to your child’s on-line account, social media pages (Facebook, Twitter, etc) and randomly check his or her account with them
  • It’s important for parents to be aware of possible internet traps kids can get into accidentally. Children’s characters are often linked to thousands of porn links, such as Dora, Pokeman, etc.
  • Teach your child about responsible use of the resources on the Internet and set time limits.
  • Find out what safeguards are used at your child’s school, the public library and at the homes of your child’s friends. These are all places, outside your supervision, where a child could encounter an on-line predator. Talk with the parents of your children’s friends to find out how they safeguard the Internet in their homes. This takes courage and will be uncomfortable. However, you will never regret protecting your children and possibly your child’s friends.
  • Instruct your child NEVER to arrange face-to-face meetings with someone on-line and NOT to respond to messages or bulletin board postings that are suggestive, obscene, belligerent or harassing. As the parent, explain these terms at the child’s level. Also, explain why they shouldn’t arrange face to face meetings- predators lie about who they are online (they say they are younger, different gender, have the same interests as the kid etc.) so they can meet the kid and hurt them.
  • Tell your child to NEVER give out identifying information such as name, address, school name or telephone number to people they don’t know
  • Explain to your child to NEVER post pictures of themselves on the Internet - let them know this has seriously harmed other children. Additionally, consider monitoring your child’s Facebook page if he/she has one, and discuss other social networking sites your child is interested in
  • Teach your child to come and get you when they accessed something on the Internet that makes them feel uncomfortable, no matter what it is
  • Teach your child that the Internet is a good source for educational, recreational and creative searches, but has also been infiltrated by harmful messages.
  • Let your child know that he/she is not “bad” if he/she comes across inappropriate content.
  • Research shows that when parents openly discuss these topics the youth are less likely to experiment and more likely to follow their parents recommendations.

What do teenagers affected by pornography have to say?

Posted at February 3rd, 2011
Posted by Geoff Steurer
Tags: - - - - - - - - -
Categories: Adolescent Pornography Addiction, Protecting Families from Pornography, St. George Utah Pornography Addiction Treatment
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This video produced by Enough is Enough has some startling confessions by teenagers, both boys and girls, who have been affected by their use of pornography. One young man says that because the girls he gets with won’t act like porn stars, it makes him feel less manly, as if he was doing something wrong to not get them to act that way. This is why I am so adamant in spreading the word that pornography is not sex education. It’s sex MIS-education.

Creating a Safe Place to Talk About Dangerous Things

Posted at November 22nd, 2010
Posted by Geoff Steurer
Tags: - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Categories: Adolescent Pornography Addiction, Protecting Children from Pornography, Protecting Families from Pornography, St. George Utah Pornography Addiction Treatment
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By Jeffrey J. Ford, MS, LMFT
Program Director – YouthSTAR of St. George, UT

Talking about sex and pornography has quickly become a top priority for parents and their children to discuss in recent years, and with research indicating that adolescents today appear to be using pornography much more than any other age group (Arnett, 2006) parents need to know how to talk about pornography and how to recognize signs that their child may be already struggling with pornography. In a study conducted at BYU Jason Carroll (2008) and others found that 9 out of 10 boys and one third of girls use pornography. Research like this can be sobering and overwhelming for parents that are trying to raise their kids today. Talking about pornography and sex is particularly difficult for parents that didn’t have that type of talk with their parents when they were kids. Some parents are unsure or confused about when to talk to their kids about such an important topic and feel torn between giving their child too much information or too little for their age. In what ever situation a parent finds themselves in it is helpful to remember that it is never to late to change, to make things right.

The first thing that parents have to realize as they begin having this conversation with their kids is that this is not a one time “talk” that will occur in an evening or at dinner. Many people that I have talked to have described their experience of having the one time “talk” with their parents. One young man shared that his father took him on a long walk when he was twelve years old and that when the walk ended he never heard anything about sex or pornography again. He told me “I was in shock! My dad talked for 2 hours about things I had never heard of before.” The result was that the boy took all of the confusing information his father gave him and did two things: 1. He asked his friends about it. He shared that this confused him more than before because it was clear that many of his friends were as ignorant as he was. 2. He went to the internet and looked things up. This boys World Wide Web inquiry began innocently enough, but that day it ended in an exposure to pornography that created a hunger that developed into a full fledged addiction. Repeatedly having this discussion with your son or daughter provides room for them to sort through confusing information and experiences, and it also ensures that the parent is the person who gives the most accurate, safe information.

It is also helpful to remember that an adolescent will open up about things in stages and rarely opens up about something all at once. Teenagers are trying to make sense of what is going on around them, what their peers are doing, and if they will be accepted or not. Sometimes parents scare their kids away when their child comes to them with one question. Parents become so eager to help perhaps after so many times of not being able to help that they might think “At last a chance to unload!” As the parent unloads everything, their child will likely tune out and feel lectured, and most importantly their needs will not be met. It is helpful to remember that our children will not learn everything at once, and we don’t need cover everything at once either. Learning about sex and pornography is a process that takes time and requires safety in asking questions. There isn’t one right way to discuss this topic as long as the discussions take place — find a framework or analogy or way to talk about this that fits for you and draws upon values that are important to you and your family.

Parents must begin a long conversation that occurs many times about pornography that can provide an opportunity to clarify values, beliefs, express opinions, instill truths about sexuality, and answer questions that their child will have. Jill Manning has said parents need to “start having new kinds of conversations about pornography — ones that go beyond scary statistics, frightening forecasts, graphic details and dire realities, and which shift into dialogues that are empowering, hopeful and arm people with practical strategies for being able to address this issue in their own [lives] effectively.” These types of conversations go well beyond why pornography is bad and explore what your son or daughter thinks and feels about pornography, especially if they have been exposed to pornography already. In essence parents need to create a safe place for their kids to talk about dangerous things such as pornography.

Here are some tips that can be help parents create safety for their kids to talk about dangerous things:

1- One way to begin fostering an environment of safety is to stay calm when your son or daughter begins to ask questions about sex or pornography or share their experience about learning about sex or pornography. Teenagers are attuned to their parents non-verbal cues and will avoid talking about things or asking questions if they sense that mom or dad is anxious or upset. Staying calm is particularly important if a parent discovers that their teenager has been looking at pornography. In this case, parents should carefully plan a response that is based on understanding and helping their teen versus punishing or shaming them. One of the most important things a parent can do is to ask questions such as “how long have you been viewing pornography?” or “have you also masturbated while you looked at pornography?” If your teen has been viewing pornography for a significant amount of time they want help, and if parents can provide a safe place for them to share about their struggle they will be more likely to come out of hiding. One teen I worked with said this “when my parents caught me looking at porn, it was an answer to prayer! The night before I prayed that something would happen so I could stop looking at porn. I have tried and tried to stop by myself, and I just couldn’t do it. I was relieved when my parents found out!” In this case, the parents and teen are more likely to get the help they need to begin recovery. Another teen shared this “the last people I want to tell are my parents! Whenever the subject of pornography comes up, my parents talk about how sick and wrong people are who look at it! Well I look at it, so they will not love me if I tell them.” The way parents talk about people who look at porn will contribute to creating a safe place or create a hostile place for their kids to come to their parents. Showing your son or daughter that what they share with you isn’t going to send you over the emotional edge creates a lot of safety and encourages them to share more.

2- It is also important that parents create room to make mistakes along the way as teens begin recovery. Telling your son or daughter “don’t ever let me catch you looking at porn again” or “don’t you dare do this again” may cause a lot of panic, especially if your teen has already attempted to stop and failed. One young man shared that after his parents caught him, they scolded him and forbade him to ever do it again. He said “my parents didn’t understand! I had already tried to stop and I couldn’t do it. How do they expect me to just turn it off? So I just stopped talking about it with them, because I didn’t want to disappoint them anymore.” Teenagers need a safe place to talk about how a slip affects them and how to do better the next time. Inviting your son or daughter to come to you whenever they are struggling opens the door and prevents them from going underground with their addiction.

3- Many parents also get caught in the trap of offering false forgiveness when their teen begins the disclosure process. False forgiveness usually occurs soon after an adolescent discloses something to their parent, and the parent says something to this effect: “It doesn’t matter, it’s water under the bridge, I forgive you and I love you, I’ve always loved you!” Certainly communicating love when your son or daughter has done something wrong is important, however, love is not forgiveness. Forgiveness can only occur when everything that was done has been disclosed, and each person has had time to sort out how they feel about it. Remember much of the time initial disclosure begins the process of getting the whole story, and is rarely the whole story! Offering forgiveness to someone who knows that there is more will most likely feel cheap and fake, and it does nothing to provide safety. It also devalues the learning process for the adolescent to be accountable for what they have done. The bottom line is to remember that forgiveness is a process just like disclosure, and reminding your son or daughter that you are committed to work through that with them will create a lot of safety. It is generally more helpful for a parent to commit to their teen that they will be there for them and help them in any way possible to overcome their addiction to pornography.

The most important thing to keep in mind as parents talk with their teens about pornography is that together they can find solutions to heal. Pornography’s influence diminishes when a teen has a safe place to talk about it. In cases when a person has become addicted it is important to remember that maintaining a safe place for your child to come back to for healing and support as much as needed will influence your child’s belief in being able to overcome their addiction.

Jeffrey J. Ford, M.S., is a licensed marriage and family therapist in private practice in St. George, UT. He is the program director of YouthSTAR of St. George, UT adolescent pornography addiction recovery program (www.lifestarstgeorge.com). He is also facilitates LifeSTAR recovery groups for adults who struggle with compulsive sexual behaviors. Jeff received his B.S. degree at the University of Utah in Psychology and his masters degree in Marriage & Family Therapy at Purdue University. He has practiced therapy in Indiana, Illinois, and Utah and is a member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy. He has contributed to the field by publishing articles about the practice of marriage and family therapy. In addition to his clinical practice, he has been an instructor of psychology and adolescent development on a university level. He is married and the father of three children. His favorite pastimes include being with his family and doing anything outdoors, especially mountain bike riding and hiking.

Emerging Adults Generation XXX: Pornography Acceptance and Use Among
Journal of Adolescent Research 2008; 23; 6 Carolyn McNamara Barry and Stephanie D. Madsen
Jason S. Carroll, Laura M. Padilla-Walker, Larry J. Nelson, Chad D. Olson,

Arnett, J. J. (2006). Emerging adulthood: Understanding the new way of coming of age. In
J. J. Arnett & J. L. Tanner (Eds.), Emerging adults in America: Coming of age in the 21st
century (pp. 3-20). Washington, DC: American Psychological Association.

Has Porn Gone Mainstream?

Posted at August 10th, 2010
Posted by Geoff Steurer
Tags: - - - - - - - - - -
Categories: In the news/media, Pornography Addiction, Protecting Children from Pornography, St. George Utah Pornography Addiction Treatment
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Protecting Children & Families from Pornography - Conference 11/6/10

Posted at August 9th, 2010
Posted by Geoff Steurer
Tags: - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Categories: Adolescent Pornography Addiction, Couples Pornography Addiction Recovery, General Sexual Addiction, Partners of pornography addicts, Pornography Addiction, Protecting Children from Pornography, Protecting Families from Pornography, St. George Utah Pornography Addiction Treatment
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I am excited to announce that the Utah Coalition Against Pornography (UCAP) will present a Southern Utah Regional conference on November 6, 2010 from 9am - 1pm here in St. George, UT.

The conference will feature experts from around the nation who are working to educate parents, clergy, and the public about the dangers of pornography. The conference will carry the same title as the previous UCAP conferences.

Stay tuned for more details as we finalize the list of presenters. Previous UCAP conferences can be purchased on DVD from the UCAP website.