Aug 30, 2016

Posts Tagged ‘media and families’

Fighting Against Pornography Part 4

Posted at August 1st, 2013
Posted by Geoff Steurer
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Categories: Couples Pornography Addiction Recovery, General Sexual Addiction, In the news/media, Partners of pornography addicts, Pornography Addiction, Protecting Children from Pornography, Protecting Families from Pornography, Shame, St. George Utah Pornography Addiction Treatment
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SALT LAKE CITY — With an eye toward both preventing and recovering from the devastating impacts of pornography, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has launched a new website that is based on what one therapist calls “the enabling power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ.”

The website is titled “Overcoming Pornography Through the Atonement of Jesus Christ.” Benjamin Erwin, who holds a Ph.D. in marriage and family therapy and who works as a program manager for LDS Family Services, said the site was created as a resource for LDS individuals, families and local ecclesiastical leaders.

“This isn’t the be-all, end-all on dealing with pornography issues and impacts,” said Erwin, who was one of the subject matter experts on the website development team. “But for Latter-day Saints who are either dealing with pornography themselves or in their families or as local church leaders, this is a great place to start.”

Although he is a trained professional, Erwin makes it clear the website is not “based on scientific evidence or some important therapeutic concept.” Rather, he says, “This is based on gospel truth and the healing power of the Savior.”

The new website addresses pornography-related issues from within the context of LDS standards and teachings. Unlike the previous LDS website about pornography — which focused on combating the effects of pornography in personal and family lives — this site offers suggestions about how to prevent as well as deal with the impact.

The website is divided into three sections: one for individuals, one for families and one for local church leaders. Each section includes resources and practical guidance aimed at both prevention and recovery from pornography impacts.

From a preventative standpoint, especially with regard to children and teenagers, Erwin said three keys seem to emerge. First, he said, take full advantage of the filtering technology that is available to make pornography inaccessible on personal and home computers and mobile devices.

“Research tells us that a majority of parents feel it is a good idea to have some kind of filter on their computers, but a minority of parents have actually installed those filters,” Erwin said.

Even with the most successful filtering system in the world, however, some images and messages are going to get through. That is why Erwin says parents need to cultivate the kind of open, honest relationship in which children are comfortable with talking about the things they are seeing and experiencing.

“Pornography and other addictive behaviors thrive in secrecy,” he said. “That’s why it is so important to cultivate relationships of trust and honesty in the home. When children are exposed to pornography, you don’t want them to keep it a secret. You want them to talk about it — not so you can lecture, but so you can just talk.”

Third, Erwin said, is the importance of proactive teaching.

“Elder M. Russell Ballard (of the LDS Church Quorum of the Twelve) spoke in general conference about the importance of having the ‘big talks,'” Erwin said. “The simple fact is, if parents don’t teach children and young people about sexuality, the world will. Everywhere you look, the world is explaining its view of what sex is and how you are supposed to express yourself, and it is not what the gospel of Jesus Christ teaches.”

Unfortunately, even with all of the preventative measures firmly in place, some children, youth and adults still develop pornography habits and addictions. To them, Erwin said, the website offers hope.

“There is hope for full recovery from an addiction to pornography through the Savior,” he said. “But it is up to the individual to make that happen. No one can do it for them, not a spouse or a parent or a priesthood leader. Only as the individual turns to the Savior will he or she recover.”

The website includes a planning sheet that individuals can use to help them make a plan for what they are going to do to recover from pornography.

“It’s not necessarily an exhaustive list,” he said, “but it’s a good place for them to start.”

On the website individuals can also watch videos featuring the true stories of others who have overcome pornography.

“If you’re watching a story of someone who has been where you are, it resonates with you,” Erwin said. “You say, ‘He’s been there, and he’s now healed. That gives me hope.'”

Being open

Posted at December 20th, 2012
Posted by Geoff Steurer
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Categories: Couples Pornography Addiction Recovery, Disclosure, General Sexual Addiction, Marriage, Partners of pornography addicts, Pornography Addiction, Protecting Families from Pornography, Shame, St. George Utah Pornography Addiction Treatment
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Steven and Rhyl Croshaw share why it’s important to be open and compassionate while addressing the issues of pornography and sexual addiction.

 

 

Tips for Parents: Safeguarding Your Children Online

Posted at July 15th, 2012
Posted by Geoff Steurer
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Categories: Pornography Addiction, Protecting Children from Pornography, Protecting Families from Pornography, St. George Utah Pornography Addiction Treatment
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Parents are concerned today about how to protect their children from pornography and harmful materials. The National Coalition for the Protection of Children and Families released some helpful tips for parents to safeguard their children and families:

  • Get comfortable- Practice talking about pornography and sex with your spouse- get out the giggles and prepare for questions before you talk to your kids.
  • Keep the door of communication open with each family member.
  • If you have reason to suspect your child is viewing inappropriate sites, do not react in a way that is shaming - approach your son or daughter with respect and in private.
  • Develop a trusting relationship with your child early so they feel safe with you when you bring up your concerns.
  • Add to online profiles that you monitor your child’s use of the Internet
  • Keep your computers in heavy traffic areas in your home, including laptops and handheld devices.
  • Discourage your children from making friends online. Predators will try to convince kids otherwise and usually lie about who they are online so they can meet kids and hurt them.
  • Use a filtering program or service. Two of our favorites here at LifeSTAR St. George are K9 (free) and Pandora’s Hope (a filtered router that filters every Internet-enabled device in your home).
  • Check CD’s, jump drives, and other external hard drives for inappropriate content.
  • Check History Files often and consider using accountability software that shows where family members have been on the Internet (Covenant Eyes is a good program for this)
  • Spend time with your child as they surf the Internet
  • Ask your child to show you what IM (Instant messaging) looks like
  • Spend time with your child on-line, and have them teach you about their favorite on-line destinations
  • Get to know and use the “Parental Controls” provided by your Internet Service Provider and/or blocking software
  • Always maintain access to your child’s on-line account, social media pages (Facebook, Twitter, etc) and randomly check his or her account with them
  • It’s important for parents to be aware of possible internet traps kids can get into accidentally. Children’s characters are often linked to thousands of porn links, such as Dora, Pokeman, etc.
  • Teach your child about responsible use of the resources on the Internet and set time limits.
  • Find out what safeguards are used at your child’s school, the public library and at the homes of your child’s friends. These are all places, outside your supervision, where a child could encounter an on-line predator. Talk with the parents of your children’s friends to find out how they safeguard the Internet in their homes. This takes courage and will be uncomfortable. However, you will never regret protecting your children and possibly your child’s friends.
  • Instruct your child NEVER to arrange face-to-face meetings with someone on-line and NOT to respond to messages or bulletin board postings that are suggestive, obscene, belligerent or harassing. As the parent, explain these terms at the child’s level. Also, explain why they shouldn’t arrange face to face meetings- predators lie about who they are online (they say they are younger, different gender, have the same interests as the kid etc.) so they can meet the kid and hurt them.
  • Tell your child to NEVER give out identifying information such as name, address, school name or telephone number to people they don’t know
  • Explain to your child to NEVER post pictures of themselves on the Internet - let them know this has seriously harmed other children. Additionally, consider monitoring your child’s Facebook page if he/she has one, and discuss other social networking sites your child is interested in
  • Teach your child to come and get you when they accessed something on the Internet that makes them feel uncomfortable, no matter what it is
  • Teach your child that the Internet is a good source for educational, recreational and creative searches, but has also been infiltrated by harmful messages.
  • Let your child know that he/she is not “bad” if he/she comes across inappropriate content.
  • Research shows that when parents openly discuss these topics the youth are less likely to experiment and more likely to follow their parents recommendations.

More women lured to pornography addiction

Posted at July 12th, 2010
Posted by Geoff Steurer
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Categories: Couples Pornography Addiction Recovery, General Sexual Addiction, In the news/media, Partners of pornography addicts, Pornography Addiction, Protecting Children from Pornography, Protecting Families from Pornography, St. George Utah Pornography Addiction Treatment
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The Washington Times recent ran an article citing some statistics about women’s use of pornography. One thing the article mentions is that when women use pornography, they are more likely to become victims of nonconsensual sex. This is a terrible combination. If men who use pornography are more likely to manipulate to get a sexual experience and women who view pornography are more likely to go along with it, then how can this be good for relationships, marriages, and families. Many popular media outlets such as Oprah and other women’s magazines often cite the relationship benefits of pornography and erotica. They talk about how wonderful it is for couples to “spice up” their marriages. They talk about being more open-minded and less prudish. They parade porn stars on their shows and talk about the glamour of the business. It’s all a lie. Jill Manning, PhD, says that the pornography industry and the mass media (who appear to all be working pretty well together) don’t tell you that “sex may sell, but showing sexually transmitted diseases, addictions, failing relationships, unwanted pregnancies, less than perfect bodies, sexual abuse, and mental illness tends to have a negative effect on profits.” Women and men are being sold a fraudulent message and individual lives, marriages, families, and society are paying the price.

Is texting taking a toll?

Posted at May 27th, 2009
Posted by Geoff Steurer
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Categories: In the news/media, Protecting Children from Pornography, Protecting Families from Pornography
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The New York Times recently featured an article on the physical and emotional toll created by constant texting. It’s a challenge to create quiet space in the mind/body when there are so many things buzzing and beeping around us. I like the last observation in the article about the impact of parents not being available for their children emotionally because they’re so plugged into their devices. I believe that strong attachment to others is a great protection against addiction.