Where is the line?
Posted on October 27, 2008
Filed Under Uncategorized |
I have lots of inquiries from well-meaning individuals who want to know where the line is as it relates to infidelity. Some wonder if the adage “you can look but don’t touch” counts as infidelity. Most people would agree (minus Bill Clinton) that any sort of sexual contact is considered infidelity. I prefer the use the following definition that was given by a religious leader by the name of Gene R. Cook. He said, “You are not to turn on or be turned on by anyone that is not your spouse.”
This definition requires the listener to consider how their actions, thoughts and feelings are affecting them and those around them. I believe we could all use a little more self and other-awareness. I like that his definition refutes the “look but don’t touch” belief. Additionally, it keeps sexual energy where it belongs - in the stability and safety of a marriage relationship.
What do you think of his definition?
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5 Responses to “Where is the line?”
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I agree with that definition. There is nothing more devastating than her husband engaging in porn to a woman, other than finding her husband is actually engaging in sexual conduct with another partner, or catching them at the act. When two people commit to one another to marriage, at the exclusion of other partners, then it should always be completely so, where sex is concerned. Its a trust issue. I have found, at least for me, that trust, once its gone, is basically impossible to fully regain. Loss of trust is tied to lies, and having been told lies makes it nearly impossible to ever believe the liar again. One always wonders…-Perhaps when one grows old and/or if one enters into Alzheimer’s disease, forgetting the lies one was fed is possible. Even if a partenr chooses to forgive a porn-cheating spouse, the forgetting is never completely possible. The sickening memory will come back in a snap at odd times, knocking the air out of one’s very soul.
I agree!
Great work.
Where did you get this definition? I would agree that this is what we should strive for. But the reality is most people get turned on by other people other than their spouse. How does someone get to the point where they can control it? I would really like to know.
It is true that we are often “hooked” by other people. This is natural and part of our wiring as humans. I’m not referring to this natural noticing of others. I’m referring to the misguided belief that allowing ourselves to stay turned on to others doesn’t affect us. Staying turned on to others activates the same neurochemical response in our bodies that happens when an individual views pornography. To minimize this process and operate on the belief that one can “look but not touch” doesn’t help anyone.