Couples in recovery are literally “recovering” or “re-discovering” what was lost in their relationship with one another. Part of that discovery is learning more about the person you’re married to. We talk about addicts and partners discovering their true selves in recovery, so it’s critical to make sure that new information is passed over to your partner. Pastor Zach Terry has written a great list of questions you can ask your spouse on date night. These are intended to be covered all in one evening, but rather, a sampling of questions you ask over the years. Some of them will change week to week, so you may find yourself asking them often to really tune in to your partner. Have fun as you learn about one another!
1. What are your 5 favorite foods, with the most favorite first?
2. What are your 5 favorite kinds of meals, with the most favorite first?
3. What are your 5 favorite desserts, with the most favorite first?
4. What are your 5 favorite restaurants, with the most favorite first?
5. What is your favorite color?
6. What are your 5 favorite hobbies, with the most favorite first?
7. What are your 5 favorite recreations, with the most favorite first?
8. What are your 5 favorite sources of reading, with the most favorite first?
9. What gifts do you like?
10. What is your favorite books(s) of the Bible? Why?
11. What is your favorite verse(s) of the Bible? Why?
12. What is your favorite song?
13. What makes you the most fulfilled or happiest as a woman/man?
14. What makes you the most fulfilled or happiest as a wife/husband?
15. What makes you the most fulfilled or happiest as a mother/father?
16. What makes you saddest as a woman/man?
17. What makes you saddest as a wife/husband?
18. What makes you saddest as a mother/father?
19. What do you fear the most?
20. What other fears do you have?
21. What do you look forward to the most?
22. How much sleep do you need?
23. What do you consider to be your skills?
24. What do you believe to be your spiritual gifts?
25. What are your weaknesses?
26. At what times do you need assurance of my love the most?
27. How can that love be shown?
28. What can I do that will make it easier to discuss and work on areas or problems that are uncomfortable to you?
29. What concerns do you have that I do not seem interested in?
30. What things do I do that irritate you?
31. What desires do you have that we haven’t discussed?
32. What do you enjoy doing with me, with the most enjoyable first?
33. What things can I do that show my appreciation of you?
34. What varying desires (spiritual, physical, emotional, intellectual, social, worth, appreciations, recreational, security, etc.) would you like me to provide?
35. In what ways would you like me to sacrifice for you?
36. What things do you see by my actions that I place first in my life?
37. What implied or unspoken desires and wishes of yours would you like for me to fulfill?
38. What concerns and interests of yours would you like me to support?
39. How much time would be good for us to spend together each day?
40. In helping family members to use their skills and develop their abilities, what motivating factors would be helpful for me to use?
41. What can I do that provides the greatest comfort and encouragement for you when you are hurt, fearful, anxious or worried?
42. What personal habits do I have that you would like changed?
43. What ways demonstrate to you that you are a very important person who is as important or more important than I am?