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Boundaries by Jacci Jones, LMFT

A personal boundary is a limit that defines where you end and others begin.  It states, “This is what I think, believe, feel.”, “This is what I will and won’t do for you.”, “This is what I will and won’t tolerate.”, as well as many other things.  Boundaries acknowledge that you have the right to act for yourself and to choose your own thoughts and feelings, regardless of the actions, thoughts, and feelings of those around you.  Having healthy boundaries also means knowing that you are not responsible for the actions,thoughts, and feelings, of others.

When a person doesn’t have healthy boundaries, they may engage in some of the following behaviors:  Telling strangers their problems, going against personal values to please others, allowing others to hug or touch them when it feels uncomfortable, answering inappropriate questions rather then declining to answer,...

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This important film needs YOUR financial support!

When director Jessica Mockett first contacted me to be a part of her documentary, “Shamed“, I was unsure what her angle would be on the topic of pornography addiction and recovery. There were lots of other films I had seen over the years from well-meaning filmakers and groups trying to educate the public about the dangers of pornography. Most of them focused on the dangers of pornography and would share statistics and commentary from individuals whose lives were destroyed by pornography. In most cases, these individuals were portrayed with shadows and computerized voices to hide their identities.

Jessica told me she didn’t want to make that kind of documentary. In fact, she said she wanted to turn on the lights and remove the shame and stigma from talking about this important issue. If you watch clips from the partially completed documentary, you’ll be amazed at the power and strength that comes through as you listen to partners of addicts...

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Recovery is a Lifestyle Transformation

by Geoff Steurer, MS, LMFT
Director – LifeSTAR St. George, UT

I recently spoke with an individual who described some of the changes he had gone through over the past year of recovery from pornography addiction. He talked about his decision to literally throw away a trash bag full of over 150 DVDs that had inappropriate content. He said that he deleted and threw away over $1,000 worth of CDs and audio files of music that were full of suggestive and trashy lyrics. Additionally, he talked about dietary and other changes he and his wife had made to further balance their lives and create healthy living. His final commentary on this significant lifestyle transformation was, “I would give away everything I own to feel the way I now feel.”

As amazing as it is to hear of the efforts and sacrifice this individual was willing to make in his recovery, it doesn’t completely surprise me. It matches the pattern I’ve seen over years of working with...

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A Woman's Plimsoll Line

“A Woman’s Plimsoll Line”

by Floyd Godfrey, LPC LifeSTAR – Mesa, Arizona

The “Plimsoll Line” was invented by Samuel Plimsoll. Sometimes sailors will call it the “waterline.” It is a simple marker on the side of naval ships, indicating the limit to which a ship may be loaded. The Plimsoll line is adjusted on each boat depending upon its makeup, and also for specific water types and temperatures. Temperature impacts where the marker is placed because warm water provides less buoyancy, being less dense than cold water. Salt water also impacts where the marker is placed, because fresh water is less dense than salty seawater.

The purpose of a Plimsoll Line is to ensure that a ship will stay afloat. All captains must know the limitations of their ship. Without this knowledge, an inexperienced captain endangers his crew and cargo. All commercial ships are required by law have the Plimsoll Line symbol painted on each side...

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Rediscovering Your Partner in Couples Recovery

Couples in recovery are literally “recovering” or “re-discovering” what was lost in their relationship with one another. Part of that discovery is learning more about the person you’re married to. We talk about addicts and partners discovering their true selves in recovery, so it’s critical to make sure that new information is passed over to your partner. Pastor Zach Terry has written a great list of questions you can ask your spouse on date night. These are intended to be covered all in one evening, but rather, a sampling of questions you ask over the years. Some of them will change week to week, so you may find yourself asking them often to really tune in to your partner. Have fun as you learn about one another!

1.  What are your 5 favorite foods, with the most favorite first?

2.  What are your 5 favorite kinds of meals, with the most favorite first?

3.  What are your 5 favorite desserts, with the most favorite...

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Tips for Parents: Safeguarding Your Children Online

Parents are concerned today about how to protect their children from pornography and harmful materials. The National Coalition for the Protection of Children and Families released some helpful tips for parents to safeguard their children and families:

  • Get comfortable- Practice talking about pornography and sex with your spouse- get out the giggles and prepare for questions before you talk to your kids.
  • Keep the door of communication open with each family member.
  • If you have reason to suspect your child is viewing inappropriate sites, do not react in a way that is shaming – approach your son or daughter with respect and in private.
  • Develop a trusting relationship with your child early so they feel safe with you when you bring up your concerns.
  • Add to online profiles that you monitor your child’s use of the Internet
  • Keep your computers in heavy traffic areas in your home, including laptops and handheld devices.
  • Discourage your children from making...
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The Relapse Journey

The relapse journey
By Geoff Steurer, MS, LMFT

I once spoke with a man who had a serious setback in his sexual addiction recovery about the events of his relapse. As we talked about the details, he said something that caught my attention. He said, “it’s amazing how far you can go in just a few minutes.”

Now, on the surface, I understood what he was trying to say. He recognized that in the few minutes acting out sexually, he crossed lines he never intended to cross. However, after working with men in recovery from sexual addiction for years, I knew that his relapse didn’t begin and end in a few minutes.

The shame and denial that follows a relapse can be compared to an aggressive public relations campaign following a disaster. The horror of seeing the consequences from acting out is more than most individuals can tolerate. So, the whole event gets reduced to a minimum and then the addict doesn’t have to feel like he was really out of...

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Creating a balanced recovery

April 16, 2012


Geoff Steurer, LMFT, co-author of “Love You, Hate the Porn: Healing a Relationship Damaged by Virtual Infidelity” and founding director of LifeSTAR of St. George discusses how to create a balanced recovery. Healthy recovery from pornography and sexual addiction requires a healthy balance of education, therapy, group support, and self-care. Proper balance ensures that individuals and couples will have the ability to do long-term recovery.

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Why is Sexual Addiction an Intimacy Disorder?

Todd Frye, Ph.D., runs a sexual addictions provider certification program at MidAmerica Nazarene University. In this video he gets to the heart of the matter: porn addiction is an intimacy disorder.
Here are a few of the insights he shares:
“Most people who struggle with intimacy struggle with the capacity to acknowledge what’s going on inside of them and share that. Intimacy in Latin is intimus, which means innermost. They don’t have the capacity to be reflective enough to know what is going on inside them and share it in a way in which someone else can connect with that, relate to that, and respond to that. [Intimacy] also has components of empathy, the capacity to give comfort, protection, and attunement to someone else….
“They don’t learn how to take their pain, their sadness, and their joy to someone else and share it with them and...
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