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13 Myths About Pornography Addiction

by Brannon Patrick
LifeStar Lehi

1. Sexual addiction shouldn’t be treated like a real addiction.

Compulsive pornography use has all the elements of an addiction. The rate and duration increase over time. People use it to numb out pain or medicate their emotions. It causes disconnection, denial and trauma in relationships.

 2. If you’re active in church you’re less likely to have a problem with pornography.

That’s not the case at all. Utah’s population is more than 60 percent Latter-day Saint and it has the some of the highest pornography subscription rates in the country. I have several theories on that, one of which is that our culture is sadly shame-based. Shame is the driving force behind addiction.

 3. When people get married, their pornography addictions will stop.

This isn’t true, because pornography addiction, which is a form of sexual addiction, isn’t about healthy sex. It’s not about an intimate...

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Many years ago a car company, attempting to show the advantages of front wheel drive, aired a commercial showing an Alaskan dog sled team pushing its sled rather than pulling it. Of course, the sled moved nowhere and the dogs and sled were tangled in a chaotic mess. As a therapist specializing in the treatment of addiction and trauma, I frequently meet individuals being pushed from behind by their past experiences.

The problem with being pushed from behind is three-fold. First, they often don’t get where they want to go. Second, they often experience internal chaos, much like the sled and its dogs. Third, because the push is from behind, it is difficult to know what is pushing them. This then begs the question “what is pushing me and why does my life feel so chaotic?”

I would like to briefly answer this question and outline a framework that is helpful to me when working with clients stuck in addiction and trauma.

Within each of us are various...

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A Guide For The Young Women Who Are Dating: Pornography Addiction is SERIOUS!

by Jacy

(Pornography addiction is sexual addiction. Sexual addiction is pornography addiction. Don’t let the words scare you off or make you think it doesn’t apply to you. It’s all the same and as such, I refer to both in this guide.)


Sometimes ignorance can be momentarily blissful. Sometimes ignorance seems like the easier route. If I pretend like it’s not an issue, it’ll just go away. Well, that only works until it all comes crashing down and the problem surfaces and rears its ugly head. Do not avoid the problem. Don’t avoid this issue. It is real. It is prevalent. It is bad. Recognize the seriousness of it and get the conversations rolling, even if it’s really really really weird and awkward to do so.


Be brave and be smart by getting educated. There are websites, blogs, books, recovery programs of all kinds that offer education and support. Even if you don’t...

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How Pornography Destroys Your Sex Life

How porn is destroying modern sex lives: Feminist writer Naomi Wolf has an unsettling explanation for why Britons are having less sex
By Naomi Wolf

  • Couples are having 20% less sex than they did just ten years ago
  • Wolf connects this to the rise of pornography
  • Porn poses health problems…
  • It desensitizes those who watch it and has long-term consequences
  • As a result, it has a negative effect on sex and relationships

These days, I am rarely surprised when, after a lecture or book signing, someone will try to talk to me about their addiction to porn and ask where he or she can get help. As an author and feminist social commentator, I often discuss my work at events and meet a wide spectrum of people who talk to me about sex, relationships and, more increasingly, the impact of pornography on their lives. There is no stereotype of what this person will look like. A man in his 60s has asked me if I think his porn addiction accounts for his...

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Holiday Recipes for Relapse and Recovery by Forest Benedict MS, SAPT-C LifeSTAR the Central Valley

The holidays can be a challenging time for all of us, especially those in recovery. An increase in sugary, fatty foods, plus a decrease in structure, combined with a mixture of family chaos, can quickly become a recipe for relapse. Despite the many challenges of sustaining recovery in this season, there are essential strategies that will help you maintain momentum and enjoy the peace and joy that may be possible throughout the holidays. Here are 5 ingredients that will not only help you avoid relapse but also lead you through a more enjoyable holiday experience that moves your recovery progress forward.

Recipe for Recovery

  1. Remain committed. Remember, while you may be on vacation from your work responsibilities, you are not on vacation from your values or your recovery work. Maintain your “Dailies” and self-care, so that you can stay on track emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually. Starting with morning inspiration and ending with...
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Recovery Myths Dispelled

Myths Dispelled
by Shay

 On January 2, 2013, a four hour conversation with my husband changed my life forever.  I knew within the first 10 minutes that our marriage hung by a thread and whether or not we made it, was primarily up to him.  That was the night that it became clear that my husband’s “porn problem” was actually an addiction.

For us, the diagnosis of addiction also brought us direction and resources.  For the first time in our 16 years of marriage, we realized that the years of madness and Insanity actually showed cycles and patterns.  In the months that followed, we isolated ourselves in a world of recovery and spent every spare second of our days reading books, blogs and forums.  We found therapists, 12 step groups and group therapies.  We learned that this addiction has very little to do with pornography and everything to do with Internalized Shame.  As my husband...

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Six people who don't need to hear your shame story

While I’m not a huge fan of Oprah, I do think Brene Brown has some points worth considering. She does a great job explaining what kinds of people with whom we should share our “shame story.” We all have shame and we have all done things we are terrified to share with others (however big or small). I agree with Brene that we should be careful who we tell. As she has said previously, telling the wrong person can turn them into a piece of flying debris in our already swirling tornado. It’s critical that men and women in recovery talk openly with safe people about their struggles. It’s even more critical that they carefully choose who they tell. Recovery is hard enough when you have good support. Trying to recovery while managing the poor boundaries of others is even harder.


When something shameful happens in your life, shame and vulnerability researcher Dr. Brené Brown says, there are six types of people with whom you...

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Protecting Children and Families from Pornography and Harmful Media

 by Geoff Steurer, MS, LMFT
Founder and Director
LifeStar of St. George, Utah

The Washington Times recently reported that about 80% of children exposed to pornography actually encounter it in their own homes.  Some may be frightened by this report, however, I choose to see it as an opportunity to better protect my children.


There is so much we can do as parents to protect our children from the impact of pornography. However, most parents don’t know where to start, or, worse, aren’t paying attention.


Our children are at great risk of being exposed to the fraudulent messages of pornography, which include sexual mis-education, violence, exaggerated body types, and other gross distortions.


We need both “high-tech” and “low-tech” solutions to these challenges.  High-tech solutions include learning more about the ways children can electronically access pornography and how to stay on top of the...

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Rebuilding Trust After Sexual Betrayal

by Geoff Steurer, MS, LMFT
Founder and Director
LifeStar of St. George, UT

I regularly meet with men who tell me they have given up pornography and sexual acting for good and have no intentions of going back. They share how they’ve moved from darkness to light. They talk about the mighty change in their heart. I have no doubt they’re experiencing changes in their thoughts, feelings, and intentions.

However, their wives are full of doubt.

One minute he admits to having a secret life filled with sexual behaviors and the next minute he tells her he’s healed and never going back to that life. She’s wondering what happened in-between those two very distant points on the continuum.

This scenario reminds me of when I was in school doing math problems and trying convince my math teacher that I really did know the answer to the math problem, even though I wasn’t showing my work on paper. For all she knew, I was looking up the answer in the...

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The Drama of Attachment

by Jill Call, AMFT
LifeStar Therapist

“I must be crazy!” A woman recently expressed to me. “I want to love and feel emotionally safe with my husband at the same time that I want nothing to do with him.” Maybe you’ve felt like this woman – caught between competing feelings of “come close” and “get away.” Well, you’re not crazy. You’re experiencing the pull and drama of attachment.

You may feel “crazy” because you want to push your partner away and yet long for his support and understanding too. This is natural. You are attached to your partner and naturally depend on him for emotional support. What makes this difficult is that, in the case of sexual addiction, he is the source of your pain and so you reflexively want to push him away.

Especially when you have been hurt by your partner’s actions, you might feel this tug-of-war between wanting to protect yourself from the hurt...

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