Who Should We Tell?

Those who struggle with pornography addiction and other compulsive sexual behaviors often wonder how to handle disclosure about their struggle.  Many of them spend years trying to keep their addiction secret.  However, there comes a point where they desire to share the burden with another.  This may happen accidentally when they are discovered by a loved one, an employer, or a friend.   Sometimes they decide that they are finally going to say something and decide to break the silence on their own.

Living with a secret like this creates a fiery inner conflict that is hard to quench without opening up to another person.  For those who haven’t told anyone of their struggle, my advice to you is to tell someone who you trust.  There doesn’t need to be any script or rehearsal.  Just open up and tell them that you are struggling.  You’ll feel better and then you can start planning what to do next. 

If you were discovered...

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What is Addiction, Really?

In my work as a sexual addictions therapist, clients often wonder if they’re really addicted to pornography or other forms of sexually acting out.  I think the word “addiction” freaks people out.  The idea of being an “addict”  usually kicks in the denial system and prevents them from ever looking at how serious their problem might really be. 

If you’re not sure, then consider the following thoughts:

  1. If you want to stop, but can’t, then you’re probably addicted.  In other words, if you cannot control the rate, frequency, or duration of the behaviors, it’s unmanageable.  (example:  every three months he looks at porn.  He promises himself he won’t do it again, but finds himself sneaking a peek for a few minutes and keeps it secret). 
  2. If you require more experiences to get the same effect, then you’re probably addicted (example:  he keeps looking for different...
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